


I hate everything about you

by FanFicReader01



Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: College, Denied Feelings, Love/Hate, M/M, now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 17:41:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9913781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicReader01/pseuds/FanFicReader01
Summary: Jari couldn’t believe it when they said they placed him together with Snellman.That guy was a few years older, but that wasn’t the thing. Why did he have to be “paired” with that idiot? That guy had too much energy.He prayed to the Gods for he would probably not survive the school year.But Jani might  prove otherwise.TDG song: I hate everything about you





	

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, every part of the story is linked with a part of the lyrics xD  
> Yet I think you better read every part of the lyrics as a thing on its own together with the story I wrote with it (hope that makes sense :P)
> 
> The whole picture is just based upon: "I hate everything about you. Why do I love you?"

Jari thought more about Jani after they had both graduated from university. He thought more about that weird guy than he liked to admit.

 

_Every time we lie awake_

 

Jari hated it when Jani kept him awake during the night because that darn man was gaming. Again.

The light from the screen kept him awake and when he outed his frustration, Jani asked him to join him. He said he needed a second player to fully enjoy the game.

And Jari reluctantly gave in.

They would game until they realized it was already five PM and they didn’t get any sleep yet.

The two students would look at each other, laugh and decide to just skip classes that day.

 

_After every hit we take_

Jari hated it when he had to argue or even _fight_ with Snellman Not only was he stubborn as hell, but he was also taller and he had way too much energy in him.

How many times did they have clashing thoughts which ended in fights? With their fists, luckily not that often. With words, most of the time. Pointless threats in the end.

They argued about the small things, never the “big” things.

 

Jari hated it when he started to like Snellman more than he expected.

He hated it when other people looked at them when they walked over the campus together.

The younger man hated it when people were talking behind their backs.

And he hated it when Jani got hurt by others. Snellman had a short fuse and people liked to abuse that negative trait of him.

_Every feeling that I get_

_But I haven't missed you yet_

 

Jari pretended he didn’t love Snellman.

 

He said he only liked him as a friend.

He said he didn’t like the guy because:

Jani was overactive. He could never sit still. He was always moving. Always talking.

And Snellman was always looking at Jari in a strange way. Maybe an endearing one.

It seemed like Jani wanted to take care of the younger man.

But Jari didn’t want to be treated like a kid. He didn’t need Jani’s attention in that way.

 

Jari didn’t know what to do with his feelings. He was so confused.

But he would never admit that he had fallen in love with Jani Snellman.

 

He was not in love with Jani and he didn’t miss him when their lives parted after graduation.

He didn’t miss him and he certainly didn’t look up what became of that cheerful guy.

 

_Every roommate kept awake_

_By every sigh and scream we make_

Jari didn’t know when or how it happened, but it had happened.

One day, they both got home from a student party and they were tipsy.

Both of them couldn’t walk normally, nor could they control their emotions.

Jari had been pressed against the wall of their apartment. They had made out.

And Jari had hated how good Snellman was at kissing. Why did he like it? Why did he want more?

 

_All the feelings that I get_

_But I still don't miss you yet_

 

The morning after had been awkward.

Jari had tried to pretend nothing had happened the previous night.  

He pretended that he wasn’t the one who initiated their first kiss.

But in fact, he had caught Snellman off guard. _He_ initiated everything. After their initial kiss, Jari surely hadn’t jumped into the other man’s arms.

And he certainly hadn’t asked to be pressed against that wall.

No. It had been the darn alcohol that made Jari feel like that.

The alcohol had made him drunk and hungry and it had made him fall into Jani’s lovely arms.

 

The morning after, Jani had confessed.

He was in love with the younger man.

Jari hadn’t admitted his feelings. He had turned a cold shoulder to Snellman. Maybe he shouldn’t have done that.

Because he hated it when Jani was heartbroken.

He hated himself because of it.

 

But how could he hate himself, if he didn’t miss or love Jani?

No, Jari didn’t miss Jani one bit.

 

_Only when I stop to think about it_

 

Fuck. He _did_ miss Snellman. He missed the other guy’s smile.

He missed his goofiness and the energy that affected Jari too.

 

Who could’ve known that he met the other man a few years later?

Who could’ve known they would play in the same band together?

 

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you?_

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you?_

Jari hated it when he got teamed up with Snellman again. This time for a tour. _Their_ tour.

They had become bandmembers of Poets of The Fall.

Jari wondered if life hated him. Maybe it was karma. Because he had denied Jani back in college.

The drummer hated it when they had to share a bed together because it was “cheaper”.

Why did Jani always have to “steal” the blankets in the middle of the night?

Jari certainly didn’t like it when Jani would eventually pull the drummer closer to him to share some warmth after he stole the darn blankets.

Jari hated it when Jani was teasingly playing with his hair, messing it up so he had to comb it back into place afterwards.

He hated that cheeky grin the bassist would give him too. Or the way the other man still seemed to love him despite everything.

Stupid Jani Snellman who couldn’t contain his feelings. Stupid Snellman who was lovesick even after all those years.

_Only when I stop to think about you,_

_I know_

Sometimes, Jari got some time to think. To reflect on his life and the choices he’d made.

Sometimes, the drummer consciously tried to _not_ think about Snellman.

  He hated it how much he actually thought about Jani fuckin Snellman.

Only then, did he notice how empty his mind was. If he tried to recall memories from his past without Jani, he came to the conclusion there wasn’t much of his past left to think about.

_Only when you stop to think about me,_

_do you know?_

 

Jani had loved the drummer before he was even a musician. Before _both_ were musicians.

He had loved Jari  when they were still students. Young adolescents with a bright future ahead.

Only they didn’t know that yet. Nor did they know their paths would cross again.

 

Jani loved Jari, but Jari didn’t seem to love him back.

Or maybe Jari tried too hard to hate Jani.

Snellman didn’t really understand that younger guy. Jari made him feel confused.

Part of Jari seemed to say  “I love you.”

The other part of Jari kept a distance between them. A painful distance.

Jani tried to figure out what kind of relation they had.

 

Back in college, Jari had kissed him multiple times. He had smiled at him and talked to him.

They had played many videogames together and enjoyed multiple movie nights together.

Heck, they were roommates. That’s what roommates are supposed to do, right? Having fun together.

 Was “adult” fun included into that as well? Or even kissing your roommate?

Yet Snellman remained unsure about their relationship.

He had confessed his love once. But Jari had never returned those feelings. Or at least, he had never said it out loud. Why was Jari giving so much contradicting signs? Snellman couldn’t make anything out of it.

 

He wondered why he hadn’t given up on his love for the drummer yet.

Well, sometimes he tried to get his seemingly undying love out of his head.

But to get Jari out of his head, was quite a difficult task. The man seemed to occupy every part of his mind palace.

 The bassist had tried to date other people. He even had some meaningless fucks with other men and woman alike but none of them felt like Jari.

They didn’t have the same sweet smile. They didn’t have the gorgeous hair nor the right shade of brown eyes. They simply weren’t Jari.

Those unsatisfying shags didn’t help the bassist any further. It actually made things worse.

It just accentuated how lonely he felt and how much Jani needed the drummer.

 

Snellman would close his eyes and tried to clear his mind. If only deleting his mental history would be as easy as deleting one’s browser history.

When he finally _didn’t_ think about the handsome drummer, he felt a bit hollow.

And in that strange, quiet, yet tumultuous silence he started to feel something. A beating heart.

It clearly wasn’t his own heart. It was Jari’s heart. The hearts seemed to entwine their music, becoming one steady beat.

Those hearts, they beat for each other.

Jani was finally sure of it. Maybe, just maybe they _could_ be together. Maybe they could finally understand each other in that silence between them, in the things that were left unspoken.

 

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you?_

Jari hated it how Snellman blew him kisses in the air when they were onstage.

He hated the playful looks the bassist gave him. Why would he do such things when others were watching? Fans and other bandmembers might get an illusion they were an actual thing.

Jari hated it how Jani tried to impress the drummer with his bass. How he reached the darn instrument in the air like it was baby Simba from the Lion King.

He hated it when Jani actually paid attention to him during their performance. How he would stand closely to Jari and smiled at him. That stupid and honest smile of Snellman.

Stupid Jani Snellman who couldn’t contain his feelings. Stupid Snellman who was lovesick even after all those years.

How could Jari be in love with that idiot? An idiot who makes you skip a beat during your drumming session.

 

_You hate everything about me_

_Why do you love me?_

 

When Jani had to face the heartbreaking fact that Jari hated him, he tried to hate Jari too.

He tried to find the drummer’s flaws and use it against him.

Snellman hated it how he got ignored by Jari.

He hated it how Jari would pretend nothing had happened after they had shared a night together.

Why did he have to do that? Was he only good for the other man’s pleasure?

He hated it when Jari was picking on him. When he was judging the bassist.

He hated their fights. He hated it when they argued over silly, mundane things. Why was that? It wasn’t necessary.

Fuck, he hated Jari’s proud attitude. How could he take pride in his cowardly behavior?

But to fully hate Jari, was an impossible thing to do.  .

 

_I hate_

Jari hated himself. He hated himself for not facing the truth.

He hated himself because he had hurt the only man he could ever love.

 

_You hate_

Jani hated multiple things.

The fact that he and the drummer weren’t together, was one of those things.

It was the biggest thorn in his heart. It itched him. Almost every day he had to look at the drummer and all he could do is imagine how things between them _could’ve been._

He hated it how his life wasn’t like all the sappy romantic movies he had ever watched.

Why couldn’t he be happy?

_I hate_

Jari tried to hate Snellman with all his heart.

But his heart was stubborn. It kept beating _for_ the bassist.

Every time he looked at the other man, his heart reminded him that he didn’t hate Jani.

Yet, Jari tried to hate Jani.

He hated him, he despised him. He really hated Jani.

 

_You love me_

 

Jani’s attempts to hate Jari had failed many times.

Even the flaws of the other man couldn’t be hated. Everyone had flaws, right?

Jani kept loving that stubborn drummer. He kept loving Jari. How could he ever stop loving him?

 

_I hate everything about you_

_Why do I love you?_

Jari hated everything about Jani Snellman. That stupid bassist. Weirdo. Too much energy.

He hated the bassist’s clothes and good looks. He hated his physique, his voice, his eyes, his mouth.

He hated it how Jani knew every part of his body. Every part of his soul.

Jari hated Jani, he hated him, he hated it, he hated.

 

And finally, Jari hated how much he actually loved the other man.


End file.
